should christian women be allowed to have butts? & other fun things to consider

i recently came into the possession of this t-shirt and i think it’s the best thing i’ve purchased this year

i’m stress-writing this after stress-eating a bag of cheese and truffle crunchies from trader joe’s whilst stress-reading elena ferrante’s the story of a new name, which actually stressed me out even more because turns out living in naples, italy, in the mid-twentieth-century didn’t just consist of people sitting around eating lots of pasta and being really expressive. the italianx community had a lot of issues in those days apparently.

a collection of absurd things that has provided me some respite from being pathologically self-serious over the past few weeks:

should christian women be allowed to have butts? by matthew e. pierce 

the thing you should know about matthew e. pierce is that he’s the only evangelical thought leader that matters. he has a podcast called fun sexy bible time, which is the only podcast i’ll ever listen to, because i actually hate podcasts as a medium and think that they’re made by people who can’t write for people who can’t read.* fun sexy bible time is okay because it’s a podcast about the bible, and the more podcasts we make about the bible, the more clout evangelicals will have as a whole, and that’s the only thing that matters in life: clout.

*i’ve been a guest on two podcasts, which is infinitely worse because people who are guests on podcasts famously cannot read or write

**matthew, if you’re reading this, please ask me to be a guest on fun sexy bible time…i think it could be good for both of our personal brands

the banality of anderson .paak by abe beame

all i’ve ever wanted from life is to be canceled on the internet, so, like, please be sure to @ me (twitter username is @rrachelalisonn) after you read this extremely incendiary hot take: while i like anderson .paak and listened to his music a bunch when i was in high school because it made me feel like i was cool and cultured, this savage takedown of his music is actually better than any of his songs. the comments section of this blog post, however, might be even better than that.

priestdaddy, by patricia lockwood

this is one of the funniest books i’ve ever read that was written by a white woman, and i’ve read both amy poehler’s and tina fey’s memoirs.

“gaslight” by inji

i’ve shown several people this song and unfortunately none of them was very impressed, so now in addition to suffering some incredibly cutting disappointment over their sad lack of taste, i now have to share it with you. this is the kind of song that you blast from the speakers of your macbook at 8pm on a sunday night when you’re supposed to be working because things need to get done, but it’s also a sunday night so you don’t want to do them and also you were trying to stop being a girlboss because you realized that hustle culture is toxic because it makes you prioritize work too highly and trains you to think of your value as a human being as inherently tied to your productivity. but also like…things need to get done…so now you’re playing the song trying to convince yourself that yeah, you’re supposed to be working on a sunday night but also that, like, it’s a subversive act because you’re doing it ironically. but also you’re not even working because you’re thinking about all of this.

anyway, should christian women be allowed to have butts? does anderson .paak indeed produce music that’s “a depressingly cynical Trader Joe’s vision of post modernism that coats original ideas and styles in vanilla yogurt”? is there a white woman funnier than patricia lockwood? do you believe in girlboss? please leave your thoughts in the comments below.